Pink Ink

In her very frank and honest testimony, *Lizzie Betts tells us why it’s important to hold onto your most treasured possession: Your virginity.

I grew up in a Christian family, my parents were very involved in the running of the Church and I was apparently a good model of how a Christian girl should be. I knew all the right answers to all the quizzes and thought I knew it all when it came to life as a Christian. I knew about not having sex outside of marriage and setting boundaries with boys, but when it came to the reality of putting what I thought I knew into action, I was very naive!

When I went to university, away from the strong covering of my family and church friends, I was easily led and easily convinced to do things I wasn’t sure I should be doing a Christian girl. I started to go to salsa classes with some of my friends, and picked up the moves very quickly. I soon became the focus of attention of one of the guys in the class, and we would dance together most of the night. Night followed into day as over the coming months we started to spend more time together, we would arrange spending more time together to practice routines and that’s when things started to go wrong!

I convinced myself that this was of God, that this guy was the one for me. He even started to come to the Church I was attending at the time. I prayed and thought I had it covered when it came to the relationship that was developing very quickly between us. As we rehearsed the dance routines together, we came closer and closer together physically, and I realise now, looking back that my guard had been dropped altogether.

I spoke to someone at the Church because I thought I wanted to be with this guy for the rest of my life, and she suggested I speak to him and spend time with him not in dance related way, which I did. He told me he was developing feelings for me, and when he watched me dance it stirred things up within him. He told me he could even imagine us dancing together for life. I was so in love!

He didn’t live on campus, he was a couple of years older than me so was in his final year at uni, whilst I was in my first year. One night we were rehearsing together in my halls of residence, and didn’t notice the time. He missed the last bus. Neither of us had any money to order a cab for him to go home, and he convinced me to let him stay the night. I wasn’t sure, but he told me if I had been more vigilant with the time, he wouldn’t have missed the bus. I let him stay. Convincing myself I was in love with him and would do anything for him to show him how much I cared about him. I didn’t pull away when he started to kiss me. I didn’t pull away when his hands roamed my body. I didn’t stop him when we started to make out in my small room in the halls of residence that fateful night.

I got up the next morning to go to an early lecture, leaving him sleeping in my bed. When I got back he had gone, no note, no message, nothing. I felt I still loved him, but as a Christian girl, knew something wasn’t right. I heard nothing from him for two days.

I went to the dance class as normal but he wasn’t there and I spent most of my time anxiously watching the door for him to come in, my friends asked if I was ok, and I told them I was fine.  After the class we have an open floor session where we can practise the new routines and moves. I didn’t feel like dancing this time. I just sat on the sides and waited, watching the door. Eventually he walked in. He came over and took my hand leading me to the dance floor. All my fears and anxieties melted away. I thought my love for him was being reciprocated back to me. He walked me home, walked me up to my room, and we sat talking for a while as he explained about all the coursework he had to do, and how he’d had no credit, but he hadn’t stopped thinking about me. He stayed that night too. The next morning, he turned away from me, refusing to look at me as in silence we got ready. I walked to the bus stop with him and in silence we waited. I felt like such a prostitute. So dirty. So used. I wanted him to put his arm around me like other couples were doing, but he couldn’t even look at me. And then he went.

A month later I was sat in my room working on an assignment, it was late – 2am. There was a knock on my room door. Confused as to who would be coming to me at this time in the morning, I opened the door and there he was. I hadn’t heard from him in weeks and he was standing at my door. He apologised for the way he treated me and told me he loved me and had felt so lonely without me, could he come in. I told him it was late and I was working on an assignment that was due. He said he wouldn’t stay long. I let him in. He stayed right through then, in the morning, just walked out.

I broke down, sobbing hard and crying out to God. Feeling so disgusting and confused. Why hadn’t God protected me? Why hadn’t He covered me? Why had I been so weak? Why had I been so willing to allow him back in to treat me in the way he does.

I missed my lectures. I missed Church. I missed my assignment deadlines. My first year of uni was about to come to an end, and I wasn’t ready to revise or sit my exams. I wasn’t ready to speak to people. I wasn’t ready to leave my room. I needed God to help me.

It took a while for me to move on. For me to allow God’s healing touch in my life. For me to allow friends close to me again. I stopped going to the dance classes. And I soaked myself in Church activities. Attending as many services during the week as I could, and asking God time and time again to heal me, to forgive me and to protect me.  There are still times when the memories of what happened, rear their ugly heads. And I just pray asking Jesus to replace them with His peace and love.

I am currently in a relationship, and the past had threatened my future.  I was insecure, I was distrustful, I was clingy. It has taken time and hard work for me to get to a place where I can be the woman God has created me to be. Not just with my fiancé, but in uni, and more importantly in my Christian walk. I’m still not where I was before I fell, but I know, God is taking me further into Him. He has many things for me to do for His glory. And He has promised to finish the work He started in me (Philippians 1:6).

Girls, there is a reason God asked us to wait until marriage before we have sex. It not just about pregnancy, and STD’s – though these are the more obvious consequences. It is also about our emotions, our development, and most importantly, our walk with God. The amount of damage that comes to a female through sexual relationships before we get married takes a while to work through. You may already have been involved with a guy sexually and be thinking you’re ok. But the amount of emotional baggage we carry around as women is deep, because we were not created to spread ourselves around many men. We were created to be a helpmate, to intimately know one man and God. Look at people like Britany Spears, and the damage that has been done to her.

You may have heard – “Don’t have sex before marriage” a thousand times. But my prayer is that through my testimony, you will have more of an understanding as to why it is important to wait. To keep your purity intact. To remain a virgin until your wedding day: Little sister, hold on and don’t give your most treasured possession to anyone except your husband.

*Name changed to protect identity